Our Bodies Know Exactly How to Heal
Our bodies know how to heal, but our minds get in the way sometimes.
I recently had one of the most profound healing experiences of my life (and fyi, this post may be triggering).
In a session with my Somatic Experiencing therapist, we were working on a deeper layer of the sexual abuse I feel that I experienced as a child.
Maybe it was a combination of my therapist's incredible skill, or my commitment to welcoming whatever arises, or all the work I've done on this issue (15+ years)... I'm not sure, but something magical happened in that session.
In the session, as I was looking at this man in my mind’s eye, I felt a sudden surge of RAGE directed at him (for the first time).
An unexpected up-swelling of monstrous, protective anger arose in my body, and instead of blocking it, I created space for the rage IMPULSE to be here.
My body knew exactly what to do…
In my imagination, as that man was about to abuse me, my body had the impulse to leap up in front of him and I turned into a fierce, snarling mini-monster. I roared and bit his face. He was shocked. I was shocked.
And it felt AMAZING.
A part of me was startled by what was happening in my imagination. My mind wanted to dismiss it as "just my imagination." But before my mind could do that, my body started having earthquakingly large sensations.
It felt like water was flowing down through my body and groin. A tsunami of energy was pouring out of me. Pain, grief, shame, self-blame, confusion, his shame…. feelings that I had held onto for a lifetime were MOVING OUT OF ME.
I felt tingly, warm and my body was swirling with SO MUCH ENERGY. It felt like parts that had been asleep were connecting and coming online.
Trauma therapy helps us connect with our original impulse-- the impulse we had to protect ourselves, which was not able to be actualized due to the circumstances at that time.
I connected with my impulse, via rage and my imagination, to bite his face off. And I did it. And it was amazing. And it didn't matter that it happened only in my imagination-- my body & Soul registered it as Real.
I reclaimed my power and as a result, I reclaimed and integrated with a fragmented part of myself.
This is Soul Retrieval.
Ever since that session, I’ve been able to feel my body in ways I've never felt it before. It feels like someone turned on the lights inside of me. I’m online with myself and my s*xuality. I have greater access to my power, my hips, my yoni and my beautiful, self-protective Rage.
I’ve had healing and transformative experiences before, but man, this one is next level.
Trauma therapy works. And sometimes our minds might try to block healing because they get afraid of what they don’t understand, but our bodies know how to heal. We just need to get out of the way.
Today I'm celebrating the power & wisdom of my body, my emotions and my beautiful impulses.
Thank you for witnessing.