Are You Actually Open to Feedback? Or Just Pretending to Be?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZbkVHm9A_g

Someone I love gave me feedback recently.

And I watched myself do something I teach others not to do. I defended. I explained. I waited for them to finish so I could restate my own position more clearly. I wasn't listening. At all.

Here's what I've come to understand: most of us think feedback means criticism. We think it means that someone is pointing out what's wrong with us. But that's not what feedback actually is. Feedback is information about your impact. It's someone letting you into their inner world, telling you what they need, what hurts, what they want more of, or what's missing. It's not a verdict. It's actually a window.

And when we close that window, when we go defensive, when we perform openness while bracing inside, when we explain and justify instead of receive, the other person learns something. They learn that this topic isn't safe. And without anyone deciding it, they stop bringing things to us. The relationship narrows. And we think everything is fine.

In this video, I walk through the Openness to Feedback Scale (adapted from the Hendricks Institute - https://hendricks.com/), which shows you exactly where you are when feedback lands. From genuine curiosity and full accountability at the top, all the way down to going silent, blaming, or leaving the room entirely. I talk about what's actually happening when we go below the line (hint: it's almost never about the feedback), and what it looks and feels like to truly receive someone rather than just hear them.

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Download the Free worksheet: https://www.junamustad.com/feedback