Secondary Gains: Why I Kept Getting Sick Again & Again

Have you ever gotten sick or injured, and even though it sucks to experience bodily discomfort, some tiny part of you was delighted to have an excuse to rest?

You are not alone.

Years ago, when I first entered a deep-dive leadership program at the Hendricks Institute, I got sick—twelve times in six months. At first, I thought I was just extremely run down. But on deeper reflection, I realized something else was happening.

I was pushing myself hard. I had just entered this program, and I REALLY wanted to be seen as evolved, as the “best” leader, speaker, and facilitator. I was striving for some ideal version of myself—and my body was not having it.

Each time I got sick, it was my body’s way of saying: “Slow down, sweetheart. Stop sprinting toward some finish line that doesn’t exist. There is no 'arriving' at being the best. Growth isn’t a performance; it’s a lifelong journey of deepening."

In the language of psychology, what I was experiencing was a Secondary Gain—the hidden benefit we sometimes get from our challenges. My sickness was strong-arming me into presence. It was giving me the rest, stillness, and humility I wasn’t giving myself voluntarily.

We all have versions of this:

• The part that gets sick to finally rest.

• The part that gets injured to play the victim card & avoid responsibility.

• The part that procrastinates to avoid failure or rejection.

• The part that creates drama to get attention.

From a Jungian perspective, these patterns aren’t sabotage — they’re compensation. When the ego overidentifies with one quality (like achievement, control, or “being good”), the unconscious brings its opposite into play to restore balance. Whatever we repress or overdo, the psyche compensates for.

From a somatic perspective, the body is always telling the truth. When we override our limits, the nervous system finds a way to stop us. Illness, fatigue, anxiety— these are intelligent responses when the system can’t get its needs met any other way.

The body never betrays us. It enforces what the mind refuses to honor. When we can listen earlier— to the whispers of tiredness, tension, or resistance — we don’t have to wait for the body to yell.

And here’s the key:

Secondary gain is not self-sabotage — it’s self-organization. It’s the psyche’s way of preserving balance, even if it costs us comfort.

When we can see these hidden payoffs clearly, we can start meeting our needs directly— without having to wait to get sick or stuck to do so.

Two questions to explore...

Next time you’re in a challenging pattern, try asking yourself:

1. What might this experience be giving me?

2. If this problem disappeared overnight, what would I lose?

   
   

You might be surprised by what surfaces — and how much compassion and clarity it brings.