Then, when I was fully fixed, healed, bright, shiny and perfect (essentially enlightened) I would be worthy of loving myself.... right?

Umm... not so right.

Over time it became apparent that my self-love journey was not working. By approaching the goal of self-love from a context of trying to fix myself, I created a recipe for endless “fixing” and little self-love. I began to see that I had an unconscious belief that I could only love the parts of myself that were perfect, as if all the other stuff was simply unlovable. It took a few years, but I learned that attempting personal perfection was like trying to summit Mt. Everest with a fussy, thousand pound gorilla on my back.

What soon became clear is that if I chose not to love myself just the way I was, then I would never love myself. There would always be more “work” to do on myself, and it was time to wake up and see that I was worthy of love. This realization catalyzed a radical awakening within me. It started with minuscule droplets of love, and then, for the first time in my life, I began to love myself. 

From my personal journey, and through working with numerous clients around the world, I created a homemade self-love recipe. This 5 Step Self-Love Recipe is a powerful process that will lead you through self-awareness, emotional literacy, acceptance, forgiveness, and commitment.


1. Awareness
The self-love journey begins as an awareness practice. It is not possible to selectively love yourself, meaning, love only the favorable parts. Imagine expanding your awareness to fully see all parts of yourself: your shadow, judgements, regrets, fears, insecurities, as well as your courage, honesty, big heart, loyalty, and integrity. Your willingness to face all parts of yourself is often the most challenging, but most potent first step towards self-love. It is easy to have a belief that you can only love the parts that you perceive as “worthy” of love. What is true is that every part of you is fully worthy of love. So start by being willing to fully face yourself.

I am willing to fully see all parts of myself.


2. Welcoming Your Feelings
Once you have opened the door to facing all parts of yourself, emotions may begin to arise. One of the biggest ways you can block your ability to fully see yourself is by getting afraid of your feelings. The truth is, you cannot control when and which feelings emerge, yet you do have choice around how you respond to them. You may notice feelings such as fear, sadness, anger, resentment, or shame. How can it be ok to simply feel these feelings? It is important to remember that feelings do not last forever, they all flow to completion. As your feelings organically arise, give them your presence, breathe with them, and take time to feel them to completion. If you do this you will notice greater depth of presence with yourself. 

As I fully face all parts of myself, I welcome my feelings to flow easily and to completion.


3. Acceptance
The next phase of the self-love journey involves acceptance. Once you have fully faced yourself and allowed your feelings to flow, acceptance naturally emerges. Acceptance is awareness in its most grounded form. Through accepting yourself, (all the different and sometimes contradictory parts of yourself) you will deepen into a space of acknowledging reality as it is, without a need to change reality or hide from it. 

I acknowledge and accept all parts of myself.


4. Forgiveness
Start by asking yourself, “What have I been unwilling to forgive myself for?” Forgiveness is the act of inviting the light of your awareness and love to things you previously deemed unworthy of love. Forgiveness is not a mental experience, it is a somatic experience. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful steps in the self-love journey. When you shine the light of your compassionate awareness on anything, you initiate an alchemical process of radical transformation.

I am willing to forgive myself for.... 


5. Commit to Loving yourself, all parts of  you
Through this process you may begin to experience the tiny seeds of self-love. Do not judge the amount of self-love you experience. Instead, take the time to appreciate what is here. Through your consistent loving attention you will inspire your self-love to grow. Once you begin to feel self-love, you may ask yourself,  “how do I hold onto it?” You can’t. However, you can make a commitment to love ALL parts of yourself. At some point you may drift from your commitment. When you do, notice it and recommit. Just this simple act will change your world. 

I commit to loving myself...  and I recommit to loving myself


Self-love is one of the most awe-inspiring things in this Universe. It is born from our ability to fully see, feel, accept and forgive ourselves. Self-love is not a destination that we finally arrive at and say, “Wow, I am so happy I am here!” Instead, it is a life-long journey of deepening, growing and opening. It is a pleasure to be on the journey with you. 


~ Juna Mustad

Having 100% commitment is the most essential aspect of any relationship. Commitment is akin to the foundation of your relationship, and without a solid foundation, nothing can sustainably grow.

As our mentor, Gay Hendricks once told us, “there is no such thing as a 99% commitment.”

Over the last several months, I had been feeling that my partner Justin was not fully 100% committed to our relationship. I would override my intuitions by telling myself, “you’re just terrified. This is the first man you have ever fully chosen to be with and it feels very vulnerable.” I had to force myself to stop making up stories that he wasn’t fully in. There was an element of feeling like I was just entertaining this possibility simply to validate my fears and close my heart off once again just to feel safe again. One thing I know about myself is that I tend to not fully know how to differentiate between intuition and the ever-convincing “horror stories” we always hear.

One single event changed this feeling for me last week. Justin left me a voice message that instantly made my body and heart relax. I could tell by the tone in his voice that something had shifted for him and for the first time in months, I could feel he was truly committed to our relationship.

So what really changed?

We’ve had some major issues come up over the last few months. My own personal control issues around the house, a waning sexual desire for each other, and natural fears surrounding the idea of getting married. After facing these issues head on with each other, we both began to take positive action. Our consistent action steps have led to unlocking amazing clarity and love within our relationship. It’s simple, yet so profound how simply uniting around your mutual commitment will allow you to push through any obstacle in life and love.

Both Justin and I are learning that 100% commitment is not a one time deal. It’s very real every day. We don’t just stand on the altar, proclaim our commitment, and then dust our hands off like the job’s finished.

At some point, something trying will likely come up and one of us may fall out of the 100% commitment zone, which is natural. What’s essential, is that we are aware of when our commitment is wavering and simply be transparent with each other, so that we can proactively work together and re-establish the connection. Be open to facing the underlying issues, no matter how deep. Take thought out steps to come back to your foundation of commitment. Then watch the magic happen.

Do you have any relationships that could use a commitment check in?

~ Juna Mustad

Or ever had the thought, “I wish he would just give me some personal space right now,” but you didn’t dare say anything for fear of hurting his feelings?

The Reason for Disconnection in Relationship

Of all the relationship issues out there, this one reliably rears it’s ugly head:

“I’m too afraid to tell you how I actually feel, what I actually think, and what I truly want.”

Humans make up zillions of clever excuses to stifle their truth in favor of keeping peace. The funny thing is, consistently tucking your truth under the rug creates more issues, drama and disconnection in the long run. Many of you intuitively know this, but your excuses can be rather convincing

“If I share this with him, he might disconnect or get angry,” or

“I am afraid I will lose him if I tell him how I really feel,” or

“maybe this is how I feel right now, but it will probably change… so I better not say anything.”

What is true is that we are growing and changing all of the time, but each time you block your inner knowing, you build walls that eventually shield you from deeply connecting with yourself and others. Over time some of you even become disconnected from knowing how you feel and what you truly think in any given moment. As a result, a large wall is formed in your relationship.

Ever wonder why you feel less connected to your loved one, or why you feel less sexual desire for your partner? You may be looking at them from a few feet away but they look really, really far away. Perhaps it is because there is actually a thick and gnarly brick wall between you. Walls kill that delicious flow of aliveness – the sexual spark and the bonding feelings of connection.

Walls kill relationships.

Every time we lie or withhold our genuine thoughts and feelings, the wall grows thicker.

How do I know this? I concealed my truth for a long time. I played the “smile and nod” game in so many of my relationships, quietly tucking down my authentic feelings and inner voice for fear of creating disconnection.

How to Bulldoze the Brick Wall in your Relationship

The secret to a thriving relationship lies in authenticity. Be real. Be authentic. 

Authenticity begins on the inside. This is so basic, yet it is something that many of us consistently forget, especially in intimate relationships where the “threat” of losing love and connection is the scariest.

My invitation is to start by being willing to know how you actually feel, not just when it is convenient, but all of the time. When you hear that inner voice saying, “hmmm… I like this,” or “hmmm… I don’t like this,” give it your attention – seductively tease out your desires and feelings using the precious currency of your non-judgmental attention.

I challenge those of you who think of yourselves as super easy going; those of you who seem to not have many clear desires and are always willing to go with the flow. Sometimes under the guise of this “easy going” personality is a huge fear of being sorely disappointed when your desires are not met, or being judged for having your desires. Stretch yourself to seek out those hidden gems of desire; those thoughts, feelings, and opinions eagerly waiting within you.

How do you know when its time to Say Something to your Partner?

There are four great indicators:

1. If you are afraid to say it, then say it. Fear means that it is important.
2. If it keeps popping up in your mind and you notice you generate a swirl of stories about this truth.
3. Ask yourself this, “If my partner were in my shoes right now, would I want him to tell me this?” If so, time to speak.
4. If you have sought the support and opinions of your friends, then it means it is large enough to share.

How to speak the Scary Truths and Feelings to your Partner?

Start by setting the context and enroll your partner in your experience with:

“Hey love of my life, I have noticed that it is sometimes challenging for me to know and communicate what I feel and what I want. I want to create an even more honest and amazing relationship with you, and I have a sense that we can create this if we both start getting genuinely real with each other. This feels new for me and I would love your support.”

Then, the next time you have something to share or reveal, remind your partner of this agreement before sharing. Notice what happens as you share – do you feel closer to yourself and your partner? Do you notice the wall between you starting to fall away? Do you notice feeling more sexual spark with your man?

Lets create relationships that are based on being real. We all yearn to be seen, so give your partner a chance to fully see you by showing up as you really are – with your quirky desires, brilliant thoughts, and uniquely divine feelings.

~ Juna Mustad